Freedom From Failure Mindset
My goal in this blog post is to provide you with a psychological process that can bring you a feeling of freedom. But, my ultimate goal:
To be your facilitator and encourager so you can go out and accomplish all the things youre dreaming of!!
This topic of handling failure came up this week because I was cleaning out my storage garage (hence the picture above) and found a whole box of a book I wrote almost a decade ago. It bummed me out for a minute because it reminded me of all the endless hours of work, integrity, well-meaning effort I put into writing, editing and designing the book myself. (This was before self publishing was so easy). And here was a whole box that was never sold or utilized.
A few years back I put purposeful focus into removing the negative feeling I had around this project. That must have been when I shoved them in my garage! (haha- we have to laugh at these things). I want to share with you what process I used to reframe failure and move forward.
But first, what can happen if we don’t manage our failures?
It really matters that we handle failure with finesse. Remember, your subconscious is always listening and you want to program it for success.
Give Your Self Love
Are you loving yourself despite failure? Are you compassionate to yourself through the process? There is a big difference between….”I failed” and “I am a failure”. Dr. Carol Dweck has taught us so much about Fixed mindset vs Growth mindset. (Be sure to grab her book if you haven't read it Mindset by Carol Dweck). In addition, I read a quote from another great author that beautifully simplifies it. “Failure is never final where love exists.”
Internalizing failure and taking it personally is different than taking responsbility. The truth is..."The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
When we can shift into a learning mindset, we win the day and the failure pays off. It's our job to decipher what we make things mean.
So what can we do to change things around?
Step 1: Be the explorer …what are your thinking habits when it comes to failure? You need to slow down your thinking process to actually catch the thoughts that aren't serving you. I encourage you to notice how you're programming yourself.
Rebel projection behavior : Are you one of those people who say "F&CK it! I already failed? Might as well ______________."
For example, trying to stay on an eating plan or money spending plan, and when you get off track, you just say screw it. You eat through your cupboard and don't come up for air until Tuesday. Or, you just buy the shoes despite your budget and blame it on an Instagram post that said "Life's Short, Buy the Shoes"
This failure has everything to do with impulse controls and a lack of connection to the purpose behind your goals.
Or you an...?
Internalizer imploding on yourself- blaming yourself for a failure.
Taking responsibility, learning and doing better, is different than blaming or accusing someone or yourself. Begin with creating awareness and listening….what are my thinking habits? Awareness.
Step 2: Apply the Freedom Model (TM)
O.R. T. > observe, release, trust
It's not a very sexy acronym I know. But, the process, when broken down and implemented is extrememly powerful. To break a pattern of overthinking a failure you must interupt the pattern. Try it!
The first action is to take a step back and be in an observatory position versus staying in the perpetual overthinking pattern. Use your visionary ability to picture yourself stepping out of the situation. Notice how your subconscious wants to create the picture perhaps in a metaphoric way. The picture may be a mouse on a wheel, or a tornado of overthinking. See yourself step out and observe from a distance.
Dr. David Hawkins talks alot about surrending in his book Letting Go, the pathway to surrender. It is one of the most profound books I've ever read. In his work, he invites us to take control of our minds by continually letting go of what does not serve our higher beings. My suggestion is to utilize one of the following powerful emotions in the release process. They are your bridge to releasing negative emotion.
To trust oneself is the greatest all of all emotional skillsets. Trust is required to grow a successful business, to manage your health, to maintain healthy relationships, to discipline your spending and make wise investments. Trusting yourself will help you make leadership decisions and guide your life in a path of true fulfillment. Trust is the third step in the Freedom Model because it is the end point that cannot be debated. It is the final word per say where the line is drawn and you put full faith into your decision.
Step 3: What can you do in the future?
To move forward successfully, knowing that failure is a good thing, you must decide how to respond before the next failure occurs.
You want to fail. When you are failing, you are particpating in acitives that are beyond your comfort zone. You are learning new things and gaining knowledge and experience. You are growing yourself!
Reframe the way you view failures moving forward. To become masterful at this, you must know what triggers your insecurities and inadequacies. It is those sneaky buggers that keep you small and safe from risks. Take a moment to write down those insecurities that you know could get in the way of your success. Then, visualize yourself having moved past them. What can you accomplish having overcome them? What breakthroughs do you experience?
Having a process for overcoming failure more effectively will surely provide you more confidence and give you the courage to take those necessary risks that make life fulfilling.
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De'Anna Nunez is an interactive-learning Speaker & Trainer focusing on the pscyhological facets of success. If you found this blog post valuable, please share it.