When my oldest son Zach was thirteen years old, he started taking flying lessons. With a deep breath and an open mind, I found a great, accredited flying school at a nearby regional airport, and he started going once a week. The actual flying with a well-credentialed pilot was the fun part. He loved it! The ground school however was intense for a thirteen-year-old. Amazingly, Zach soloed in a plane before he soloed driving a car. The great responsibility forced him to really pay attention, to rely on his practice in the simulators and to be responsible for the decisions he made up there alone. That experience matured him in ways I could not have predicted, and his confidence grew immensely. (Check out the video of his solo flight on my Facebook page here)

Your confidence fluctuates throughout your life and every goal you go after will require it to build up again. The science behind confidence is wonderfully written in a best-selling book called the Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. The authors go to great lengths researching neuroscience and genomics, as well as behavioral science.

Is our confidence in our genes or is it developed?  Although the research did show that some people are born with more confidence than others, the research also showed that confidence can definitely be developed. Your genes can even change with your growth.


The research proved; what makes some people develop more confidence than others is simply action.  Taking action before you’re ready is key. Now, that is not to say you don’t need to prepare and develop skillsets. Absolutely! But most people hesitate longer than necessary before getting started. Know that when you take action, your courage will be summoned. When your brain gets suddenly activated, fear is often a direction it takes when you’re not believing in yourself. Fight, flight or freeze may be the response. However, when you are in control of your thoughts and emotions and are clear on what you want, your brain is actually very calm and focused.  


I fondly remember running the Los Angeles Marathon listening to Wayne Dyer’s audiobook, The Power of Intention, each step of the way. He describes intention as going beyond the ego and connecting to a power greater than oneself. How much more self-assured would you feel if you thought of your goals as a life-expression of who you are and why you’re here? In my private and group sessions, it is common for clients to source incredible visions and creative hits that are like breadcrumbs leading them to their future selves.


3- A Calm Brain and Body

As you step into your goals, navigating through mental inertia can feel like you’re lost in the forest.  In my practice I help people find their path. The most effective thing you can do is put practices in place that calm the mind. I consider the mind, the brain and body combined. Surprisingly, the racing brain becomes more ramped up thinking about taking action than actually doing it. So, following through on your visions and goals for yourself can actually help you feel less anxious, not more.

What makes you so remarkable is that you can calm your brain and body and connect beyond, into the creative and spiritual realm where it feels like the stars, sun and moon line up for you. This is what we call a flow state, where your actions, habits and intentions align, like lanes on the freeway headed in the same direction.  

A calm brain and body are the ultimate foundation of building confidence. You will increase your ability to control your emotions and feel clear about your small and big goals. The fastest ways to calm the brain are to be in a routine of:

5 Practices That Regulate Your Brain and Body

  1. Good, proper sleep
  2. Daily Exercise
  3. Regulate screen time (tv, phone, computer)
  4. Nutrition (less sugar, more quality macro-nutrients)
  5. Mindfulness Practice:

Breathing exercises combined with a mindful practice are remarkable for lowering anxiety. When you focus on your breath, your brain can redirect and begin to calm. The goal of mindfulness is being present without judgement. Think about the incredible ways that can make a difference in your life. Developing this into a morning routine or short power-pauses throughout the day is a game changer.

What can you do to help others build their confidence?

When you encourage a friend or your child, tell them what you observe in them and why you think they can take action now. Point out specific skillsets, personality or leadership traits that they possess. Telling a person how great they are is vague to the brain. Give them facts that are already present in their life. Use that evidence to encourage them.

What’s the worst thing you may be doing that erodes your confidence? Not taking action. Your self-esteem is a large by-product of your confidence. When your confidence dips, so does your self-esteem. It’s vital that you set goals for yourself and take actions to reach them.

Let’s go!

De'Anna Nunez is a Board Certified Hypnotist and Certified Coach. She champions others to live the life of their dreams by focusing inward, building self trust and taking massive action. Her practice is in Del Mar, California where she works with people one on one in person and online. 


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